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We had the worst fight of our lives over it. She said slowly, ‘But Simon wanted you to marry me.’ For another, I suspected if Simon knew what I was thinking he’d want to kill me.’ He paused. For one thing, you were far too young for that kind of commitment, and I told myself you should finish your education-have a career-live a little. ‘Oh, God-why-why didn’t you tell me?’ There was anguish in her voice. ‘But-for the record-I’ve loved you all my life, but I fell in love with you on your seventeenth birthday, when you trembled as I kissed you. ‘You’ve never found it so in the past,’ He said, his tone almost matter-of-fact. ‘I wondered if you were going to tell me that you-loved me. ‘What did you want to say-that day at the Savoy?’ There’s something I need to ask you.’ She swallowed. ‘And that,’ he said gently, ‘is none of your business.’ He reached for his jacket. ‘Through the bottom of a glass? Some reality.’ But sometimes you have to give up dreaming and face reality.’ I suppose Guy and Bel told you I was leaving England?’ As you also said once-we’ve come to the parting of the ways. ‘Scared of the answers I might get.’ She hesitated. But does it ever occur to you that I could have done the same-if you’d asked?’ ‘But she was at the bistro tonight-with her husband. ‘In effect, I laid my life at your feet a second time, only to have it kicked away again.’ ‘I think our definitions of “faded” might differ.’ His face was expressionless. I assumed you were the father, and thought it would be best if I-faded out of the picture.’ Then I saw her again, when I was on my way to meet you, and she told me she was pregnant. ‘I found her here a few weeks back, wandering round in nothing but one of your shirts. ‘I thought you’d ticked a box labelled Belinda.’ She looked down at her hands, clasped together in her lap. Dreaming of the night when you’ll hold her in your arms at last.’ Counting the hours until you see her again. None of this hanging round waiting for a look-a smile. ‘But how much easier it would be if we could.’ There was bitterness in his voice.

‘But, as I once said, you can’t choose who you love.’ ‘I’m also sorry things didn’t work out for you in-other ways.’ ‘But I’ve always been your business, Daniel, whether you wanted it or not.’ She glanced coolly at him and saw him wince. ‘If you want to repay me in some way, you could ditch that dead-end job and do something good with your life.’ I didn’t think of that.’ She looked down at the draft. ‘And it must have cost you a great deal in time and expense to get it for me.’ She paused. ‘However, the evening wasn’t totally wasted.’ She produced the bank draft. ‘We decided we weren’t suited.’ She sat on the sofa opposite, putting her bag beside her. ‘Why is that, may one ask?’ He added sardonically, ‘After all, you went on your date dressed to be undressed.’ ‘No.’ He glanced at her, still frowning, assessing what she was wearing. Letting him kiss you-touch you-as I once did.’

‘But principally the kind that comes from thinking of you with another man. ‘But my experiment will have to wait, because here you are, and you want your flat back.

If it can really blot out that kind of pain.’ Drink enough of it on some battlefield and they could amputate a limb, apparently, without you feeling a thing. ‘They used this as anaesthetic in the old days. Obliterated.’ He held up the glass to the light, examining its contents with a frown. ‘To get blasted-totally and completely destroyed.

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